Arts & Entertainment

July 20, 2011

Simply FADoulous: The Pet Homosexual


Somewhere between Airplane!! and Carrie Bradshaw, having a gay best boyfriend became the height of sophistication for a socially savvy hetero lady or group of breeding girls – both on the big and small screens and IRL – because sometimes there aren’t enough short-haired homos to go around. The manfriend provides no threat of sexual tension and more excuses to talk about men and product placement for fashion labels. Often these gay charicatures, usually suffering from an excess of campiness complete with lisps, aren’t blessed with that elusive  third dimension. These are the pet homosexuals.

Never a stand-alone character, the pet homosexual is written in to reflect character traits of a female protagonist’s character. Having a pet homosexual tells us a lot about a hetero woman symbolically; we can assume that she’s liberal, trendy, has a unique and forward fashion sense and that she’s probably single (at least when first introduced). These are even more likely to be true if the pet is particularly attractive. The character himself is less a character than a mirror reflecting traits of the female character without having to reveal them individually through exposition. Not a particularly sensitive or desirable portrayal of gay men. Rather than just poor writing, it’s my understanding – and it might be comforting or perhaps discomforting to know – that fab gay friends are made less complex by censorship and processes of de-sexualizing.

My favourite example of a pet homosexual is Damien from Mean Girls. Damien is really gay. How gay is he? Damien, as described by his ‘owner’ Janis, is too gay to function. But that would mean that, according to Tina Fey and her cadre of writers, Gay is defined by love of pink, identifying closer socially with the girls than the boys, a love of event planning, and definitely not someone you want to put your junk on. At no point in the movie, which I admittedly love, does too-gay-to-function Damien seem to have a romantic life or inclination to speak of – excluding his dressing up like Santa and sending roses to other characters’ love interests (Four for you Glen Coco!).

For the majority of the 80’s and 90’s, presenting a stereotypical gay friend (or gay caterer, gay florist, gay decorator, whatever) as an asexual was the only way for writers to get gay people on TV. The world was warming up to gay, but gay sex was too hot for the networks to handle. And even with more networks allowing for their gays to have sex and same-sex relationships, a lot of this is safely nestled in some non-explicit subtext and not explicitly shown to terrified mid-western audiences.

Currently, the two-dimensional gay friends defined exclusively by their flamboyance and love of the arts are falling out of favour in film and tv geared towards adults, thanks in part to less restrictive censorship practices around homosexual content in general. When it became more acceptable for gay characters to be portrayed interacting romantically with the same sex, there were just more gays who could exist as stand-alone characters – sans hetero female counterpart.

Then again, there’s still a long way to go; for example on the widely – and wildly – popular (strangely enough, even among conservative demographics) Modern Family, gay couple Cameron and Mitchell are living in a committed, long-term relationship and have adopted a child together, but they were never shown doing anything as intimate as kissing until the second season aired (an event that was apparently the subject of internet contention). But as censors and media busy-bodies start slowly pulling those rods out of their a$$es (or pushing them deeper, who are we to judge?) we can hopefully look forward to more roles written for gay men to stretch their acting talents rather than perfecting their bitchy snarl face and girlish shrieking.

This article is part of a series on media portrayal of same-sexuality. Read part 1, Gay for Sweeps: The Lesbian Kiss episode here.  To learn more about tropes, check out wickedly underrated stereotype site TV tropes.

About the Author

|Sex & Relationships Writer| I am a 20-something straight divorcee with a dirty mind and a loud mouth. I work for a non-profit organization that can appreciate my mad writing and policy development skills despite my outrageous TMI outbursts. I'm a feminist, a mother, a techno-phile, an avid and shameless sex blogger. I'm most often seen having sex or hunched over a computer, writing about sex. Or eating...I like eating.



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  1. Elie

    “I’m not so much a person but a collection of choices” – A very fitting line I heard on SNL a few months ago. Good job Kristi!

  2. Kyle

    “the pet homosexual is written in to reflect character traits of a female protagonist’s character.”

    LOVE the observation of asexuality!

    Kristi – this is so awesome! I wanted more! Keep going!

    • Kristi

      Totally asexual. Honestly this plagues a lot of Lesbian characters too, especially in the 90’s when Lesbians (sans actual Lesbian-isms) were more acceptable on tv, but were only gay incidentally and perpetually single (no love interests to be seen, so acceptable). Maggie Doyle, a supporting member of the ER cast in the mid-90’s, states several times that she was a lesbian, but we never actually saw her with another woman. It took years for the show (known as being ahead of it’s time for gay/trans portrayals) to advance to actual same-sex intimacies on screen when main cast member Carrie Weaver came out and kissed a woman on air.

  3. Ty

    Loved reading this, Kristi!

    I once had a newbie friend that said, “I always wanted a gay friend.” She said this with excitement then asked me to do her hair and help her shop.. (not the kinds of things I’m good at anyways)

    I can’t wait for the day when gay relationships are as normal on tv as str8 ones.

    • Kristi

      I am totally guilty of this! In high school I had a gay boyfriend who I baked cookies with and watched Sex and the City with every Friday night for a year. I felt a real sense of pride in myself for being cool enough to have a gay boyfriend. But that’s where that attitude belongs – high school. Out in the real world, people are more than their homework habits and sexual self-discovery; the media needs to reflect that and give gay peeps the depth that real individuals deserve.

      • Ty

        Just re-reading..

        Yes.. I would love to see a true bisexual on tv.. like, the hot jock who always wins the girl who sometimes plays with his best guy friend.. see what a shock that would be.

  4. Rosel

    Too true. In my Sex and the City-addled teenagehood, I too longed for a “gay friend” who would tell me how to shop. In my defense, I grew up in a lily-white and heteronormative suburb and have long abandoned these views.

  5. Stephen

    To be fair to Modern Family, Cam and Mitch kissed before Jay and Gloria (who may have still never kissed, I don’t know).

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