News + Politics

May 3, 2011

Donald Trump Is A Very Serious Man

More articles by »
Written by: Garrett
Tags: , ,
trump

After the years of gaudy glitz and glamor, after the over-the-top grand-standing about the President’s birth certificate, after the profanity-laden Las Vegas speech calling out everyone from President Obama to China, and after the even more controversial decision to “fire” Gary Busey, one might imagine it would be hard for Donald Trump to outdo himself. Indeed, given the deep scowl chiseled into Trump’s face during his shellacking by both President Obama and SNL head writer Seth Meyers during the White House Press Correspondents Dinner this weekend, one might even wonder if the apparent effortlessness with which he can be lampooned would get Mr. Trump thinking about dialing it all back a bit.

But let’s be real. Trump’s appeal, at least as a media object, is his proven ability to, well, Trump himself in terms of his alternately outrageous, vapid, and outrageously vapid claims. And mere hours after a grilling much more thorough than Trump’s actual roast on Comedy Central earlier this year, Trump decided to up the ante again.

During a lengthy Sunday interview with the New York Times, Trump attempted to explain his opposition to the legalization of same-sex marriage with one of the most refreshingly original arguments on the subject I’ve ever encountered. Instead of dragging out the tired moralistic, religious, or natural law law arguments, Trump came out swinging with a bizarre analogy about over-long golf putters and the value of tradition. From the interview, and via the Huffington Post:

“It’s like in golf,” he said. “A lot of people — I don’t want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive,” said Mr. Trump, a Republican. “It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”

First off, let me just say how much I admire the gilded golf balls of anyone who would try to make an aesthetic argument based on a sport in which it is considered perfectly acceptable to walk around looking like this:


Never mind the fact that Trump’s analogy is so obtuse that I can’t tell if the golf putters are supposed to represent gay people, the institution of marriage, or God knows what else. And never mind the fact that the ‘tradition’ argument has been used to resist improvements in the lots of pretty much every marginalized group in the history of history. These lines of critique all assume that Trump’s arguments rely on things like “facts” and “reason” in his attack on same-sex marriage, when in reality the Donald’s argument isn’t intended to be in reality. Previous articles from The Religious Left have repeatedly debunked the moral, theological, and empirical arguments against same-sex marriage. But by circumventing the persnickety constraints of logic, Donald Trump’s golf analogy has managed to circumvent most of those arguments as well.

In the battle for the 2012 GOP nomination, Trump has unleashed a weapon even greater than the mainstays of the Republican arsenal, like thinly veiled racism and not-veiled-at-all racism. Trump has deployed the Absolute Non Sequitur, a weapon feared for its deadly accuracy, despite the inability of rhetorical experts to explain precisely how it reaches its target.

Well, I do not aim to be left behind in the emerging rhetorical arms race. And I don’t want to sound trivial, but I am a traditionalist. As such, I believe that the NBA tattoo situation is totally out of control, and Tom Brady’s hair has gotten entirely too long. Very unattractive. It’s weird, but when you get right down to it, the only appropriate response is to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act. And probably allow the Bush tax cuts to expire too.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention one of the best responses to Trump’s bizarre analogy, which came from the Wonk Room’s punny Zach Ford:

“Trump can only see things in the world as attractive or unattractive, and he has no time for anything he finds “very unattractive.” Just ask the many girls he objectifies and humiliates when they enter the Miss USA pageant. His taste is a minefield of sexism bunkers and LGBT sand traps that have little to do with improving other people’s lives. Trump’s campaign hasn’t even teed off yet, but he’s already shanking his approach.”

And yet despite the fact that Donald Trump remains Donald Trump, Donald Trump still tops most of the polls for potential 2012 GOP presidential hopefuls. Very serious.



About the Author

Garrett
Garrett
|Religion Contributor| Garrett is the Editor and Co-Founder of TheReligiousLeft.org, a web-based interfaith project dedicated to challenging conservative religious shenaniganism and promoting the rights, worth, and dignity of all people. Garrett is currently based in Boston, and his interests include religion, politics, bourbon, and the ready combination of these elements.




 
 

 
NYC1

The Big Apple on a Small Budget

Being a full-time university student, living on your own and being entirely self-sufficient is hard! And you’re pretty much screwed when it comes to traveling. Friends who still live at home can afford to go to Cuba, Eur...
by Sarah
4

 
 
Innergayweddingring

My Big Fat Straight Marriage

A Note to all the RCMP detectives who frequent The Gaily on a daily basis; this story is not about me. I am straight, uncool and have only been to Montreal once. For Space Camp when I was 12. I remember hearing, prior to the pa...
by Kristi
8

 
 
kim

An Open Letter to Kim Kardashian

By Divine Grace Dearest Kimberly, Please allow me to preface this letter by congratulating you on finding someone to read it to you. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to learn how to read between all of those dress fi...
by Team Gaily
2

 

 
Kim+Kardashian+Inside+Kim+Kardashian+Wedding+x0EV30ApPNcl

Kim Kardashian 72-Day Marriage Over! Why We Care

Like a page ripped out of the Britney Spears nuptial saga, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from her husband of 72 days, NBA player Kris Humphries. This is the second speedy wedding for Kardashian and the first for Humphrie...
by Dallas
2

 
 
uk-db

UK Threatens End To Foreign Aid Over Anti-Gay Policies

It is rare for me to ever support anything that is anti-gay. In fact, it has never happened. So, with the news that the UK may discontinue providing foreign aid to countries that have anti-gay legislation, I should be cracking ...
by Dallas
3

 
 
lesbian weddings

Chely Wright Weds, No Dress For Lesbian, A Senseless Hate-Crime, and Michael’s Single.

What a week. My heart still aches for the loss of the Jack Layton. He was and still is one of my all time heroes. His leadership and drive was something that will always inspire me. After hearing his final letter written days b...
by Dallas
3

 

 
gb aug 18

Gaily Beat CNN Edition: O’Donnell Walks Off, Anderson Gigglefest, Pope Protested…

What with their celebrity hosts, high profile guests and extensive reach, there is always bound to be some fun drama and silly videos over at CNN. Today there happened to be enough that we could do an entire Gaily Beat based on...
by Erika
0

 
 
gb aug 17

Cuba Celebrates, McGowan’s Queens, Charlotte Protests, Carolla Apologizes

I usually start my weekly Gaily Beats with something I have learned this week. Well, this week I have learned nothing. Planning a Pride Festival literally takes away any sense of higher learning from my over-stuffed brain. Prid...
by Dallas
0

 
 
tgb aug 9

Straight Pride, a Scandalous Romance, Jesus in Drag, APA loves the Gay

Fear not, I haven’t drowned today’s Gaily Beat with sorrow like I did last week (although sarcasm may be omnipresent in this post). But there’s no sorrow today because guess what today is!? The first day of Montreal Pride...
by Nikki
4

 




2 Comments


  1. Awesome, awesome, awesome Garrett!



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *