Self + Body

June 9, 2011

Evan’s Picks: Buy a F*cking Bike!!!

More articles by »
Written by: Evan
Tags: , , , , , ,

You heard me! Buy a f*cking bike!!! For those of you who don’t own their own f*cking’ bike, here’s what you should know so you too can join the realm of cool f*cking bike owners. As a cool fuckin’ bike owner myself, and enthusiast of anything rolling on two wheels I think everyone should own and ride a f*cking a bike, and here are a few reasons why:

Love the earth!

Last summer I saved the planet over 300kg of CO2 by riding my bike places instead of taking a car.

Love the fresh air!

I think this is the best aspect of owning a bike. You are not trapped stuck in traffic listening to Rhianna wail her latest R&B ballad nor are you jammed on transit standing beside Mr. “I don’t believe in personal hygiene” (barf). Instead, the sun is beating down on your face, wind through your hair, birds chirping in the trees. Ladeeedaaa. Life is beautiful.

Love the legs!

Toned calves are the new biceps. Keep those legs looking sexy while getting around town or just going out for pleasure ride. Plus an hour of casual biking burns off approx 600 calories which means you can enjoy four beers with satisfaction upon arriving at your destination.


Love the parking!

You can park anywhere!

Love the speed!

For short trips you will always beat cars, and bikes offer the door to door convenience that transit can’t compare to.

Ok, so now you all want to buy a bike! Now what? The best suggestion I have is go check out a couple of bike shops in your area. DO NOT go to Canadian Tire or Walmart where the twink getting paid minimum wage knows nothing about bicycles. Also those bikes are pieces of shit.

Buying a decent bike at a shop is well worth the investment. With proper care your bike will last many many years. Plus the people at the bike stores know their shit. Talk to them about what type of trips you’ll be making with your bike. Whether it’s commuting, leisure rides or rocketing down the side of a mountain, they will be able to hook you up with a bike that will meet all your needs and is within your price range. Often when purchasing at a bike store they will include a year of maintenance free, plus other gadgets or gear for a reduced price. Remember bikes are like condoms, one size doesn’t fit all :) Once you get a bike that fits you, your ride comfort will be a million times better.

With your new shiny set of wheels you will be arriving at summer parties in style and pass an enjoyable (and equally hazardous) booze cruise home. If ya pick up, you can have fun doubling home (best foreplay ever).

Let’s all ride a f*cking bike!

About the Author

|Food & Wine Contributor| Food. Fitness. Travel. His three passions, and definitely in that order. When not working in a restaurant, Evan is at home cooking a feast or watching the foodnetwork. To balance his gluttony, he spends his free time training for triathlons and with his man and kitty. Growing up in a southern Ontario village, he moved to Ottawa for university. He lived in Europe for a year before settling in Montreal.



Toronto Cabaret Queen Ryan G. Hinds Graces #MTL’s Just for Laughs

Just for Laughs is well underway, and Montreal is getting an extra serving of gay at this year’s festival. Every year is a big year for this event, but 2013 is boasting some of the worlds funniest LGBT and queer stand up acts...
by Ian



                  Late yesterday afternoon, (credit for all .gifs) introduced their readers to Steve Grand, “the first openly gay male country star.” I mus...
by Kyle


An Open Letter to Travis Mathews

  *Dear reader, this is an open letter to filmmaker Travis Mathews. Its intent it to initiate discussion as well as introduce you to the important work of this amazing filmmaker. Dear Travis, First of all, please let me...
by Kyle



Easy and Budget-Friendly Ideas For Getting Fit (or to at least stop eating those chips….)

Sometimes being cost effective isn’t the most productive way of getting things done, especially when it comes to working out. If you’re investing that 100+ dollars into your monthly gym membership you’d better be going of...
by Caitlin


Feet Don’t Fail Me Now: From Finish Line To Starting Over

//Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take, but I’m open at the gates they’ll tell me that you’re mine.// I feel you, Lana. This fall, I ran my first, and only marathon, also my first race and competition ever and sim...
by Ian

tegan-and-sara-closer-vid-600x400 - The Gaily

Tegan and Sara Recreate the Teen Dream with Closer Video

It’s here! Tegan and Sara have released the official video for Closer and it’s all that I hoped it would be and more! I’ve been anticipating its release since my original post on the song written a couple of months ba...
by Caitlin



Top Five Film Picks at IMAGE+NATION XXV

Montreal’s Image+Nation International Film Festival is celebrating its 25th anniversary  this year and officially opens tonight with an invite only launch and after-party. All films will be presented at Cinéma du Parc ...
by Ian

Screen shot 2012-11-09 at 9.35.43 PM

It Get’s Gayer! Huge Gay Wins In The Gayest U.S. Election Ever

As I was struggling to stay awake early Wednesday morning, I was moved by the euphoric crowd of supporters on the blue-hued stage in Chicago and the eloquent and masterfully punctuated speech of the newly re-elected POTUS: R...
by Saturn


Melissa Etheridge In Montreal – Leaving No Doubt That She Still Totally Rocks

Melissa Etheridge loves Canada, and Canada loves her. From our balcony seats at Place des Arts’ Theatre Maisonneuve, providing an unobstructed view of the stage, we sat and waited as the anticipation in the hall steadily ...
by Mel



  1. Kyle

    We have leg biceps! yay! HOT

  2. “bikes are like condoms, one size doesn’t fit all” – how did you all get so funny all of sudden!?!

  3. Ty

    Gotta admit.. Love my Bixi but she’s a heavy ride.. A lot of effort but wayy worth it.
    Say yes to bike shorts too.. Holy. ;)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *