Self + Body

June 9, 2011

Evan’s Picks: Buy a F*cking Bike!!!

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Written by: Evan
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You heard me! Buy a f*cking bike!!! For those of you who don’t own their own f*cking’ bike, here’s what you should know so you too can join the realm of cool f*cking bike owners. As a cool fuckin’ bike owner myself, and enthusiast of anything rolling on two wheels I think everyone should own and ride a f*cking a bike, and here are a few reasons why:

Love the earth!

Last summer I saved the planet over 300kg of CO2 by riding my bike places instead of taking a car.

Love the fresh air!

I think this is the best aspect of owning a bike. You are not trapped stuck in traffic listening to Rhianna wail her latest R&B ballad nor are you jammed on transit standing beside Mr. “I don’t believe in personal hygiene” (barf). Instead, the sun is beating down on your face, wind through your hair, birds chirping in the trees. Ladeeedaaa. Life is beautiful.

Love the legs!

Toned calves are the new biceps. Keep those legs looking sexy while getting around town or just going out for pleasure ride. Plus an hour of casual biking burns off approx 600 calories which means you can enjoy four beers with satisfaction upon arriving at your destination.

 

Love the parking!

You can park anywhere!

Love the speed!

For short trips you will always beat cars, and bikes offer the door to door convenience that transit can’t compare to.

Ok, so now you all want to buy a bike! Now what? The best suggestion I have is go check out a couple of bike shops in your area. DO NOT go to Canadian Tire or Walmart where the twink getting paid minimum wage knows nothing about bicycles. Also those bikes are pieces of shit.

Buying a decent bike at a shop is well worth the investment. With proper care your bike will last many many years. Plus the people at the bike stores know their shit. Talk to them about what type of trips you’ll be making with your bike. Whether it’s commuting, leisure rides or rocketing down the side of a mountain, they will be able to hook you up with a bike that will meet all your needs and is within your price range. Often when purchasing at a bike store they will include a year of maintenance free, plus other gadgets or gear for a reduced price. Remember bikes are like condoms, one size doesn’t fit all :) Once you get a bike that fits you, your ride comfort will be a million times better.

With your new shiny set of wheels you will be arriving at summer parties in style and pass an enjoyable (and equally hazardous) booze cruise home. If ya pick up, you can have fun doubling home (best foreplay ever).

Let’s all ride a f*cking bike!



About the Author

Evan
Evan
|Food & Wine Contributor| Food. Fitness. Travel. His three passions, and definitely in that order. When not working in a restaurant, Evan is at home cooking a feast or watching the foodnetwork. To balance his gluttony, he spends his free time training for triathlons and with his man and kitty. Growing up in a southern Ontario village, he moved to Ottawa for university. He lived in Europe for a year before settling in Montreal.




 
 

 
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3 Comments


  1. Kyle

    We have leg biceps! yay! HOT


  2. “bikes are like condoms, one size doesn’t fit all” – how did you all get so funny all of sudden!?!


  3. Ty

    Gotta admit.. Love my Bixi but she’s a heavy ride.. A lot of effort but wayy worth it.
    Say yes to bike shorts too.. Holy. ;)



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