I was unsure what to do. I was panicking on the inside while trying to keep my cool on the outside. Ricky seemed inconsolable. I tried to snap him too and get his attention. I needed to know exactly what happened.
“Ricky! What the hell happened?!”
I slapped him across the face. Hard. The wet on his cheek made the contact of my palm that much more intense. It cracked on contact. His eyes widened. He shook his head and slapped me back.
“Hey! I just needed to get your attention!” I said holding my own cheek.
“Sorry”, he said. “It’s just a reflex.”
“Ricky, tell me exactly what happened!” I demanded.
“Well”, he began, “after we left you at my place we went to Pablo’s to chat it out. We didn’t want to wake you. Pablo and I got heated again and he started ‘to get physical’, not like in a Olivia Newton John way, but like in a Chris Brown way. I got scared and was about to leave when he grabbed me and threw me to the floor. I went to scream, but he covered my mouth with his hand, pressing my into the floor. I managed to get up by kneeing him in his junk.”
Ricky was literally shaking as he was recounting what happened. He continued:
“I ran to the door but he caught up with me, whipped me around and cuffed me in the face. I opened my eyes and saw a book end on the table. It was brass, pointy. I don’t know what came over me. I grabbed it and smashed him in the face with it and he fell. But then I did it again, and again. When I stopped, there was blood everywhere. Pablo way just laying there. I panicked and ran to clean up as much as I could. I was a mess, and crying, and I just ran to your house. I didn’t know where else to go! Please say you’ll help me! PLEASE!
I could hardly believe what he just told me. I know we are capable of anything, but I didn’t think that this was possible. I never could have imagined Ricky would murder someone.
“I’ll try and think of something,” I said reassuringly. “First, let’s get you cleaned up.” I helped him up off the couch where he had been bawling, confessing. He was a mess, yet he still looked amazing. He looked at me. And at that moment, our eyes connected in a way that it felt as if I was reaching into him, into his soul. His eyes, so sincere, begged me to save him. But how? He leaned in and captured my lips with his. Why come to me?
I led him to the bathroom where I ran him a hot shower. I took all his clothes out in the back yard, covered them in lighter fluid and burned them. When I got back in, Ricky was out of the shower, standing naked in the bathroom just staring into the mirror. He was visually shaking again. I moved to him and covered him in the towel. It’s going to be ok, I said. Looks like we’re in this together now. I’ve watched enough Law and Order to know that burning the evidence was probably not so great on my part. On the other hand, just going to the police would have been a better decision. I mean, wasn’t it self defence? I didn’t really know. It all happened so fast. I could still go to the police, but what of Ricky. Why was I doing this for him? What was I thinking? What is this love?
I gave Ricky some things to wear. My clothes fit him tight. I sat him down at the kitchen table. We had to go over what we were going to do. Of course, I suggested going straight to the police claiming it was self-defence, but he wouldn’t go for it.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He roared, “They will lock me up right away!”
“Okay!”, I said defensively. “I guess we have to go get the body.”