Good Afternoon Everyone!
Well, it’s after 3pm (GMT) so I’m pretty sure the Rapture didn’t happen. Although considering I haven’t left my house yet today, and only keep generally depraved company, it may have and I have been predictably “Left BELOW”. I spent the morning browsing through etsy.com, the world’s virtual flea market. And trust me, if it turns out the Rapture hasn’t occurred, the items below will make us all second guess our non-doomed glee.
1. Silver seduction – Because really, doesn’t everyone need a Larry Flint desk toy? For those who believe in crystals, I’m not quite sure what this item means…
2. Vulva in Chastity Corset – a great addition to your dungeon, if you’re used to torturing people’s appreciation for wall decor.
3. Original Naughty Collage – maybe the start of a great poem, not collage. Also, I’m not sure why this is ‘naughty’. Unless that generic superhero isn’t supposed to feel up that picture of dessert.
4. Submissive Sex Slave Dirty Finger Puppet – Taking a look at the rest of the shop, I’m pretty impressed by the enormous cast size of the maker’s erotic finger puppet shows. It’s like the Ben-Hur of shitty crochet lumps.
5. Sex and the City Liddle Kiddles – Not very sexy, but still just wrong. On many different levels. Samantha just wouldn’t wear a yellow sundress!
6. Lilac Jerk off doily – Finally needlework and erotic fanart, together at last.
7. Masturbating dinosaur wall art – Say what you will, but I want one of these. No, I need one. This is possibly the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen, in a variety of colours.
9. Native Butter – Hot, counter-culture AND racist! What more could you ask for in cheap underground art?
10. Dogs Crazy in Love print – Ok, so my 2 year old probably couldn’t draw this, but that’s only because he prefers watercolour.
11. Mounted Vagina Plaque 17 – This is, quite literally, a Gorilla vagina that you hang up on the wall.