Culture

May 20, 2011

In lieu of the Rapture: 12 WTF Sexy esty items

More articles by »
Written by: Kristi
Tags: , , , ,
WTF 1

Good Afternoon Everyone!

Well, it’s after 3pm (GMT) so I’m pretty sure the Rapture didn’t happen. Although considering I haven’t left my house yet today, and only keep generally depraved company, it may have and I have been predictably “Left BELOW”. I spent the morning browsing through etsy.com, the world’s virtual flea market. And trust me, if it turns out the Rapture hasn’t occurred, the items below will make us all second guess our non-doomed glee.

1. Silver seduction – Because really, doesn’t everyone need a Larry Flint desk toy? For those who believe in crystals, I’m not quite sure what this item means…
2. Vulva in Chastity Corset – a great addition to your dungeon, if you’re used to torturing people’s appreciation for wall decor.

 

3. Original Naughty Collage – maybe the start of a great poem, not collage. Also, I’m not sure why this is ‘naughty’. Unless that generic superhero isn’t supposed to feel up that picture of dessert.

4. Submissive Sex Slave Dirty Finger Puppet – Taking a look at the rest of the shop, I’m pretty impressed by the enormous cast size of the maker’s erotic finger puppet shows. It’s like the Ben-Hur of shitty crochet lumps.

5. Sex and the City Liddle Kiddles – Not very sexy, but still just wrong. On many different levels. Samantha just wouldn’t wear a yellow sundress!
6. Lilac Jerk off doily – Finally needlework and erotic fanart, together at last.

7. Masturbating dinosaur wall art – Say what you will, but I want one of these. No, I need one. This is possibly the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen, in a variety of colours.

8. Sterling silver sex toys – I just don’t…understand…

9. Native Butter – Hot, counter-culture AND racist! What more could you ask for in cheap underground art?

10. Dogs Crazy in Love print – Ok, so my 2 year old probably couldn’t draw this, but that’s only because he prefers watercolour.

11. Mounted Vagina Plaque 17 – This is, quite literally, a Gorilla vagina that you hang up on the wall.

12. Cock Blocks, set of 25 – Great way to preserve the memories.



About the Author

Kristi
Kristi
|Sex & Relationships Writer| I am a 20-something straight divorcee with a dirty mind and a loud mouth. I work for a non-profit organization that can appreciate my mad writing and policy development skills despite my outrageous TMI outbursts. I'm a feminist, a mother, a techno-phile, an avid and shameless sex blogger. I'm most often seen having sex or hunched over a computer, writing about sex. Or eating...I like eating.




 
 

 
anigif_enhanced-buzz-9480-1372883838-7

#allamericanboy

                  Late yesterday afternoon, Buzzfeed.com (credit for all .gifs) introduced their readers to Steve Grand, “the first openly gay male country star.” I mus...
by Kyle
1

 
 
431965436_640

An Open Letter to Travis Mathews

  *Dear reader, this is an open letter to filmmaker Travis Mathews. Its intent it to initiate discussion as well as introduce you to the important work of this amazing filmmaker. Dear Travis, First of all, please let me...
by Kyle
1

 
 
Montreal_Marathon_2012_Ian_Perrin_TheGaily

Feet Don’t Fail Me Now: From Finish Line To Starting Over

//Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take, but I’m open at the gates they’ll tell me that you’re mine.// I feel you, Lana. This fall, I ran my first, and only marathon, also my first race and competition ever and sim...
by Ian
2

 

 
image+nation_film_festival_montreal_lgbt

Top Five Film Picks at IMAGE+NATION XXV

Montreal’s Image+Nation International Film Festival is celebrating its 25th anniversary  this year and officially opens tonight with an invite only launch and after-party. All films will be presented at Cinéma du Parc ...
by Ian
0

 
 
Screen shot 2012-11-09 at 9.35.43 PM

It Get’s Gayer! Huge Gay Wins In The Gayest U.S. Election Ever

As I was struggling to stay awake early Wednesday morning, I was moved by the euphoric crowd of supporters on the blue-hued stage in Chicago and the eloquent and masterfully punctuated speech of the newly re-elected POTUS: R...
by Saturn
2

 
 
gay_couple_beach_large

What is this Love? Part 9: The Clean-Up

This is a fictional boymance/mystery series exclusive to The Gaily, from contributor Kyle Vaughn Roerick. Catch up with parts 1-8 here. This time, whispering was no longer an option. The noise that came out of my gut, my chest...
by Kyle
1

 

 
Screen shot 2012-10-19 at 1.26.27 PM

Trouble in (Queer) Paradise: What Does It Take To Be Different After Dark?

There’s something in the Montreal soil that keeps bearing the raddest fruit. The newly minted queer collective, going by the name of Trouble is throwing it’s first of many dance party fundraisers for ACCM (AIDS Community Ca...
by Ian
2

 
 
Sad Man

What is this Love? Part 8: Pablo’s Apartment

This is a fictional series. Catch up with parts 1-7 here. Ricky and I left my apartment with as much haste as humanly possible after such an ordeal. He was still shaking and I held his shoulders and kissed his neck. We walked a...
by Kyle
0

 
 
getstrapped

So You Wanna Get Strapped? The Gaily’s Strappy Shopping Guide

Buying and using a strap-on may feel a little out of place at first. I mean, as a woman wearing one for example, you may feel like, “well ok, so here’s this dick in front of me, slightly attached and I’m going...
by Team Gaily
0

 




2 Comments


  1. Ryan

    This was just quite the funny I was looking for today. (Haha @ Cock-blocks)


  2. Evan

    Love the cock blocks, but the gorilla pussy??? WOW twisted



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *