The Halloween Dilemna: either you’re the type to scope out the Halloween parties you (or your better connected friends) have been invited to, or you’re the type who opts to stay in, convinced that it’s because you want to see all of the adorable trick-or-treaters who will be knocking at your door (aka intending to eat all of the Halloween candy because really what kids are coming to the fifth floor of your shaddy ass apartment anyways?), or maybe you’re the type who’s into the quick and (relatively) painless Rialto Rocky Horror Picture Show. If you’re opting for one of the last two, good for you! I suggest candy corn and fishnets to accompany your evening. For everyone else, what are you going to dress up as?
Below, I have broken down the perennial Halloween costume wearing archetypes – they might help you decide what to, or more importantly, what NOT to wear.
The one who plays it safe (the uninspired one)
Whether it’s the pumpkin or the kitty cat, you like to go to the parties but you hate the thought of people putting THAT much effort into dressing up for Halloween. You’ve had the cat ears in your closet for the past 5 years, and they haven’t failed to make their annual appearance yet. Who has time to add something new to the mix?
The last minute one (The DIY costume)
Your costume usually involves duct tape, paper bags, garbage bags, wrapping paper or anything you might find at the local thrift store around 7 pm on the 31st. Your costume looks fine at the beginning of the night, but be sure to wear something appropriate underneath that paper bag because you didn’t check the weather forecast, and it’s supposed to rain tonight. You don’t want to go from being Paper Bag Princess to naked Raggedy Anne.
The dynamic duo (Group costumes)
You feel uninspired and unenthusiastic about getting into the spirit of Halloween yet you’re so glad that your partner is a die-hard costume fan. Your best friend doesn’t seem to care about the night but you can’t very well be salt without having pepper at your side. Group costumes can take the pressure off of the night for some, while increasing it for others. Remember back in high school when everyone was doing Spice Girls or Charlie’s Angels? That kinda thing. Generally, getting ready for the night is more fun when done with a pal, the dynamic duo can be a fun route to go. If you plan on assembling a big group of say, the cast of the Simpsons for instance, things can be hard to coordinate, just try to relax and see where the night takes you. We also think that this would be a brilliant group costume:
The funny one (oftentimes the politically incorrect one)
You always want to be the life of the party. “Most creative costume? Gee thanks!”
Be careful, just because your friends are highly diplomatic, intellectual individuals doesn’t mean that your costume is going to be well received by the drunken aggressive folk on St. Laurent at 3am. In order to avoid any unwanted confrontation, call your most educated/opinionated friend to brainstorm any ideas that you have involving Obama, Mit Romney, Toddlers in Tiaras, Traditional Indian Headdresses etc.
The skimpy one (The sexy one)
You never cease to impress the masses! Who knew that Vikings could be sexy?! Who knew that someone could manage to appear as a Viking with so little clothing to prove it? Astonishing! You usually have something to prove, either to yourself or to the crowd that you intend party with. Whether your motives are to remind an ex of what they’re missing or just the simple fact that you’re not going to fit into black lamé hot shorts forever – all the power to you! You’ve been to the gym 25 times this month, so why not just throw on a loincloth or a bikini? Bundle up for the walk though – it has been known to snow on Halloween…
Check out Hommemakers recent post “10 Rules for Sexy Gay Homosexual Halloween Costume” for more on what exactly this entails.
The costume renter (Big spender)
You are either aware or completely unaware of the fact that you are the ultimate Halloween cop-out… but man, no DIY Batman costume is going to have gadgets as cool as that 300$ number you tried on in that costume shop. Just got a raise at work? Why not treat yourself this year – I sense that you and the paper bag princess will get along just fine at the punch bowl.
The one who relives past decades/high-school phases
If you’re into the decades aspect, you go for things like the ‘20s flapper, ’70s hippie or the ‘80s…Madonna. The high-school phases are usually divided by athlete, punk, goth, nerd or burnout or something to the clique effect. Often, these are costumes you even wore in high-school back when you thought Bob Marley was god because you were a burnout… now you just need to make further use of your dreadlock wig (which I guess puts you in the first category as well).
The one who references pop culture
You are all about staying on top of what is currently cool or what was once considered cool that you can’t let go of; Cartoon characters, pop stars, rock stars, movie stars, action figures, superheroes, villains, film directors, talk show hosts, reality TV “stars”, YouTube sensations, and everything in between. You are probably the most popular Halloween costume archetype in the history of Hallows ‘eve. My prediction for pop culture references of the year is any and everything 90’s: I’m talking girl bands, boy bands and grunge.
Note: If you are trying to be ironic with your reference just know that ironic costumes only work if at least a decade has passed. Lady Gaga and Snookie are not exceptions to this rule. References to people who have died in the last year might be in a bad taste, but I don’t know. Ask someone else.
The ‘Scary’ One
Back in the day the goal was to dress up in a scary costume. The streets would have likely been a pretty fearful place on Halloween. You remain faithful to the holiday’s origins, usually by taking a more modern approach. You generally end up being the result of one of the aforementioned costume archetypes dumping blood on them. If you’re not dressed in one of the stock ‘creepy’, ‘gory’, costumes like Frankenstein, Dracula, or the grim reaper for instance, then you might dress up as dead Snookie with an axe chopping your big hair right down the center. All in all you maintain that Halloween is about disguising yourself in a spooky costume. Good on you.
Are you usually ‘The costume renter’? Try something new this year – why not DIY?
If you’re one to fall back on group costumes, but have secretly always wanted to do a solo Marilyn Monroe act, take a stand!
Happy costume-prep-time everyone!
Note: I realize that these archetypes aren’t mutually exclusive –some combinations might include (but are not limited to) sexy nerd, a skimpy kitty cat, politically incorrect pumpkin etc.