June 23, 2012

These Are The Cottage Rules

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Written by: Erika

Ever gone to the cottage with douche bags? Or maybe you are planning a trip and don’t know the etiquette of planning a cottage weekend away with 12 of your besties? It is tricky.

As a good portion of The Gaily team heads up north to the cottage for St. Jean weekend, I started thinking about “cottage rules”, aka, ways to get a long in a secluded cottage for three days with no technology or privacy. Here is my totally necessary and snarky advice to planning such a weekend:

Do pack a 50’s style dress or something similar because that would be appropriate and cute. Actually anything gingham, plaid, red, baby blue, sunflower yellow, or wicker is appropriate.

Do share the cost of gas with the person driving. (This is also a don’t, as in: don’t be a douche bag and not help pay for gas.)

Do help with the preparation of meals and the other housework. Everyone else is on vacay too, so get off your ass and flip the burgers. Oh also, take a dish shift.

Do agree on a cost sharing/food sharing plan before hand. If you are in charge of buying supplies for a meal, hot dogs will not suffice when everyone else is buying steaks.  This goes the other way though, if everyone else is on a hot dog and PBR budget, this should be clarified before you ask them to cough up for their portion of steaks and bottles of wine.

Do bring your own cigarettes if you know you are a social smoker. The person that brought four packs for the weekend will not appreciate having to drive to town to buy outrageously priced smokes because you kept bumming theirs.


Do take quick showers. There is not a lot of hot water to go around. Also on this topic: you may be at the cottage but it is unnecessary to completely forget hygiene. This is not Into the Wild. Shaving and deodorant are completely acceptable things to pack – and use!

Don’t bring your work, laptop, or homework and expect people to be quiet.

Don’t bring a 12 case of beer for the whole weekend because you “aren’t planning on drinking much” and then proceed to drink everyone else’s booze once you have run out.

Don’t assume it is ok to bring your dog, cat, or horse before talking  it over with either your hosts or your short-term housemates.

Don’t hookup with cottage mates that you didn’t originally plan to hook up with. This is uncomfortable, especially if the drunk cottage groping occurs in public spaces or in rooms with paper thin walls.

Don’t buy 14 oz steaks, bacon, and shrimp for grilling and ask the vegetarians to split the cost of all the meals.

What are your cottage rules?

About the Author

|Executive Editor & Co-Founder| A mostly hippy and always hungry cultural critic, closeted pop-culture lover, and food know-it-all. Half cowgirl, half Ivy leaguer. You will find me writing on the crazy sh*t that happens on my teevee, feminism, philanthropy, religion and politics. I like singing shows, high-waisted skirts, scotch, two-stepping, and all forms of breakfast foods (sweet AND salty).



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  1. Rachelle

    So what you’re telling me is – bring lot’s of cigarettes.

    But seriously, I like these rules, particularly the vegetarian one (nobody likes paying for steak when they don’t eat it).
    Also, may I add one more rule: All pictures taken at the cottage can not be instantly posted to Facebook ( I have friends who know nothing about something called ‘screening process’ ).

  2. Jai

    Should I be offended that this was posted directly to my in-box?

  3. kaslogal

    Love the Cottage Rules!

    Just one more-don’t just wear my clothes then say…oh I just borrowed this, you don’t mind do you?


  4. Ty

    lol.. omg, so

    1) Don’t smoke cigarettes!
    2) While veggie-peoples are nice.. give the meat eaters a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T as well. I once flat out told off my bestie for making me feel guilty about grilling my meat before the veggie burgers were cooked. (I say this knowing I have 32 veggie burgers to contribute) haha
    3)Those kids who “aren’t planning on drinking much” kill me. (I know a lot of them) Its a weekend away for frigs sake! And quit stealing my beers!
    4)Yes, please help pay for gas.. Filled my baby up yesterday and it was 66 bucks! Wish we could bixi there..

    Other important rules:
    -Bring your own fold-able campfire chair.
    -Turn all cell phones off even if you have signal
    -Don’t ask your driver to drive you home early.. not happening
    -Don’t bring your partner if he/she is boring, cheap, or otherwise lame.
    -Bring board games, instruments, fun drinks, temp tattoos, crazy hats or anything else that will make everyone have a great time. Extra dry socks!

  5. Kyle

    Cottaging is a British gay slang term referring to anonymous sex between men in a public lavatory (a “cottage”, “tea-room” or “beat”), or cruising for sexual partners with the intention of having sex elsewhere. The term has its roots in self-contained English toilet blocks resembling small cottages in their appearance; in the English cant language of Polari this became a double entendre by gay men referring to sexual encounters.

    “Cottage” is documented as having been in use during the Victorian era to refer to a public toilet and by the 1960s had become an exclusively homosexual slang term. The word used in this sense is predominantly British (a cottage more commonly being a small, cosy, countryside home), though the term is occasionally used with the same meaning in other parts of the world. Among gay men in America, lavatories used for this purpose are called tea rooms.

    – Wikipedia

  6. pretty sure this is my favourite thing I have ever written

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